Hussain M Elius

Santa Claus in a bear costume

According to the news (not this one, though, can’t find the link), the officials did not follow procedures that would lead to unbanning of Facebook – they emailed, rather than using the Report Abuse link, so the unban was delayed.

I imagine what they put in the report abuse details to be something very similar to this:

Report Abuse:

Dear Sir/Madam,
I represent the People’s Republic of Bangladesh on behalf of Bangladesh Telecommunication Regulatory Commission. If you don’t know where Bangladesh is, it is juuuuuust beside India and just a little off Myanmar. Now, it has come to our attention that your website Facebook is hosting several “fan pages” that are offensive to our communist liberal sensibilities. Our primary concern is the fan page “Everybody Draw Mohammed Day” which was created because of attempted censorship by known terrorists, so as People’s Republic, and under public pressure from groups of fundamentalists that represent all of Bangladesh, we are censoring Facebook to counter the counter of censorship, all arising from the cartoon pointing out censorship doesn’t work. As you can see from the 0.002% loss (approximate) of daily hits of your 400,000,000 user base, this is working.

There are also some hot and sexy pics of our great country’s leaders on two other groups (which I can not name because I never heard of them before), all fake of course, as you can tell by the shadows. These pictures are bad for our country’s perfect image – and you should know from your recent campaign for better privacy, image is important. We demand the pictures of the country’s progressive and change making Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina and of the opposition leader (a lesser being) Khaleda Zia’s to be removed immediately, along with all related or non-related, political or otherwise, caricatures or pictures that paint our leaders in bad light. Unfortunately, failure to do so would result us prolonging the ban, as supported by the “freedom of speech” clause in our democratic country’s Constitution.

That being said, although the Mohammed page is our primary concern, we might lift the ban on facebook users in Digital Bangladesh (a term that is open to interpretation since we have not defined it) once you delete the groups concerning the totally uncorrupted and honest leaders, which under no circumstances arose from disappointment, anger or general dislike for douche moves like banning an entire media based on the actions of a few.

Thank you for your co-operation,
Hussain M Elius

P.S. You can tell that I am an official because I have a passport photo in my profile.